


A punch right into my heart

by isuckatnicknames



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Broken Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Eventual Smut, F/F, Gay, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Rape Aftermath, Savior Emma Swan, Self-Harm, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2020-12-16 06:13:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21031553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isuckatnicknames/pseuds/isuckatnicknames
Summary: Emma and Regina knew each other from high school. They were friends but nothing ever happened because Regina was mortified of the idea she might be a lesbian. She always felt things for Emma but she would never act on them or even acknowledge them because she was NOT gay. (Yea right... 🙄🙊). They parted ways after graduation.This is where our story starts. Regina was attacked and Emma saved her. I want a lot of hurt/comfort theme.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There is a rape attempt here. I tried not to make it graphic and not to focus on it much but I tagged it anyway because I'm sure this topic as such could be triggering.
> 
> Also, please forgive if I got this wrong. I don't want to offend anyone. I can't even imagine what rape victims are going through and even though it didn't go that far here, I'd say the aftermath might be very bad. Again, if I didn't do it justice, please tell me. I have no intentions of simplifying this subject. It's dark and Regina is just lucky she has someone like Emma to save her. Not everyone has such luxury.

Few years after graduation:

Regina decided to go out today. She was ready to meet new people. She finally accepted she’s gay after years of denial and it was time to check the gay bar near her place. She only just broke up with her boyfriend and moved to this neighborhood. She tried to pretend she was straight for so long and tried to convince herself mostly but the sex with men was… let’s say very disappointing. She didn’t even like them. She didn’t want a hairy flat chest and beard on the face. Men never turned her on. She thought it’s her. She was worried something was wrong with her at first, but she realised she was getting slightly hot when women were around. More specifically one blonde woman but that was a long time ago and she buried those feelings. She has hurt Emma with her denial enough as it was.

Now she accepted it was not her. _She _was not the problem. Men were. She was sure after watching some lesbian porn and getting her panties soaked. _Women were only friends and nothing else_. She could hear her mother scolding her ever since she was a little girl. But mother was not present anymore. She could finally accept herself for who she was.

And that’s how she ended up at the gay bar today. There was a karaoke night which she secretly enjoyed and TV in a corner playing sports. She would surely suggest some better program but who was she to judge.

“You’re not here often, are you?” a slim brunette asked her while eyeing her head to toe.

“First time actually. But I plan to come more often. It’s quite cozy,” Regina smiled.

“Oh yeah, this place is dope. I’m Ruby,” the girl grinned and extended her hand.

“Regina,” she answered and shook the offered hand. “So, I gather you’re local?”

“Hmmm you could say that. Let’s sing!”

“Oh no no, I can’t sing. No,” Regina shook her head but Ruby was not having it.

“Every newbie has to sing. It’s the rule,” she explained as she took Regina’s hand and dragged her to the karaoke corner.

“Rule?” Regina raised her eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“Eeehhhmm, yeah!” Ruby lied. “Which song do you want?”

“None?” Regina laughed.

“Haha. Funny. Come on, choose,” Ruby urged.

Regina rolled her eyes and browsed the song library. She got the feeling she wouldn’t escape this. She knew she could sing but there weren’t many songs she would know. She didn’t really listen to pop music.

“Soooo,” Ruby asked impatiently.

“Okay, I got one. Katy Perry - I kissed a girl,” Regina pointed her finger on the song.

“Classic. Nice. Let’s hit it!” Ruby yelled and wooooed.

Regina insisted to have another drink before this madness and secretly hoped she found the excuse to skip this. Ruby just eyed the bartender and drinks were in front of them in a minute, though. _Well that much for your brilliant plan, _Regina thought.

Ruby handed her a microphone and turned the karaoke on with huge grin on her face. Regina was glad to be slightly tipsy. _Let’s just get this over with…_

And she did. She got really into it and the whole bar was clapping to the rhythm. Shyness left her after the first verse and she moved her hips and sang like Katy herself. It was over before she knew it.

Regina realised the whole bar was watching her and clapping and cheering for her when she turned off the mike and handed it over. “Well that was embarrassing,” she eyed the floor, back to her self-conscious again.

“Embarrassing?!” Ruby laughed. “THAT was the best performance of the year!! I should probably take your picture and hang it on the wall of fame,” she grinned.

“No chance!” Regina’s eyebrows shot all the way up from shock.

“Let’s get more drinks, Katy,” Ruby grinned.

“Ha ha,” Regina rolled her eyes at the nickname.

* * *

Regina made sure to drink enough water between her cocktails because she didn’t want to get drunk. She was in a mood, she was tipsy and that’s the ideal kind of drunk. She noticed few men looking at her hungrily and she internally scoffed. They didn’t look gay, she didn’t get why they were in this bar.

“So, I guess you’re here often?” she asked Ruby that sat next to her at the bar.

“Well yeah, my girlfriend is the bartender so I usually hang around here.”

“Ah, I see,” the new karaoke star nodded. “She seems nice.”

“Belle? Yeah, she is,” Ruby blushed.

The TV caught Regina’s attention. She wasn’t one for sports but football was replaced by MMA. Which she also knew nothing about. Regina didn’t enjoy the fighting but she liked to watch those ladies. A lot of their muscular bodies was on display and she surely couldn’t complain about that. Her breath hitched when she saw Emma on the telly. She was in the ring warming up for the fight. Regina’s mouth dropped. She saw peripherally Ruby grinning at her.

“What?” she asked not looking away from the TV.

“Who are you gaping at?” Ruby teased.

Regina blinked and looked at Rubes. “Oh. No one,” she answered and lowered her gaze, sipping the drink.

“Right. Is it the blonde?” the young brunette continued her questioning.

“No no. I just… Ehm, I like MMA. Wanted to watch this match,” she lied.

“Is it? Lucky you then. The match was like a week ago. It’s not live now,” Ruby laughed and Regina blushed being caught in a lie. “No need to be embarrassed though. We all love Emma. She’s kinda famous around here,” Ruby said with a goofy smile.

“Famous?”

“Oh yes. Sometimes she comes here. She doesn’t train far from here. And sometimes there are some lucky girls that she takes home,” Ruby winked. “Plus, she’s actually really famous. At least in the sport industry. She won the championship this year and last as well. And she’s… well, she’s awesome,” Ruby said honestly.

“Yeah, I know,” she whispered.

“You know her??”

“We went to the same school,” Regina shrugged.

“And?”

“And nothing,” Regina sighed. “I think I’ll head home now,” she announced and got up from her seat.

“Sorry if I said something stupid,” Ruby apologised.

“You didn’t, no worries,” Regina tried to smile. Ruby was very nice to her all evening. It wasn’t her fault Regina still hadn’t moved on even though she internally claimed all feelings were buried. She paid for her drinks and wished Ruby a good night, promising she will come again. She was so deep in thoughts she didn’t notice those 3 men standing up as well and heading out after her.

* * *

Regina took a deep breath and tried to calm her racing mind. Emma was a MMA fighter and she was near. She even went to this bar. She could meet her again. She started to walk towards home while thinking whether it was a good idea to meet with her or not. Sure, they were friends, but Regina also knew the blonde had a crush on her and even though Regina was also attracted to Emma, she kept denying it.

She was abruptly interrupted from her thoughts by a pair of strong hands. She was shoved to the connecting street with a hand over her mouth. She felt another hands on her body and laughter while she was bend over in front of a brick wall.

“Please let me go,” she tried to say through the hand. She felt her summer dress being lift up. Panic immediately shot through her whole body. _This can’t be happening. This is not happening._

“Oh we will! Don’t you worry!” one of them laughed.

“Just take my money, phone… but please let me go,” Regina started to sob.

“Good idea. We might take that as well. Right after your dignity!” another voice burst out laughing. “Oh look! She’s wearing a thong. She craves for a dick!” he was pressing his clothed hard-on on her ass cheek.

“No, I don’t! Please don’t do this,” tears run freely down her cheeks now.

“We saw you at the gay bar and decided to help you out. You just weren’t fucked by men properly yet but don’t worry, we’re here for you,” he exclaimed and tighten the grip on her mouth. She could barely make a sound. No one would hear her nowadays when people always listened to music. She heard a flyer on his jeans being unzipped and her underwear torn apart. She braced herself for the pain. She had no idea how she would make it through. She basically zoned out from the fear and shock. She didn’t hear nor see what happened next. She didn’t see someone saved her until she was in that person’s arms.

* * *

Emma walked home the short distance after training. She preferred to cool down after all the sweating. Of course, she took shower and made sure she was out of danger of catching a cold from the sudden change of surroundings, but a walk home was her way to relax. She didn’t wear headphones because she preferred to hear what’s going on around her.

She was passing one dark street that always gave her chills. She didn’t particularly need to be afraid because she knew how to defend herself but she knew this street was full of troubles. Not once she saved people from the burglars and tonight seemed no different. She heard a muffled cry and turned to the dark street. She could see 3 silhouettes behind the trash container. She dropped the gym bag when she reached the trash and shouted: “what the hell is going on?!”

She didn’t wait for an answer once she realised two men were holding some woman down and the third one was unzipping his pants. She nearly puked. She focused real hard to keep the content of her stomach inside it and instead focused all her disgust into the punches. She was done with all three of them within few minutes, giving them a hard kick in the nuts once they were down.

She took her phone out of the pocket and dialed 911 while she kneeled and reached for the broken lady that sunk to the ground, face hidden in her hands, crying in shock.

“Hey, it’s okay now. You’re safe. I’m calling the police so they can deal with them,” the blonde said quietly, not to disturb the other woman even more.

Suddenly the woman raised her head and Emma dropped the phone.

“Emma?”

“Regina?”

“Oh god, Emma!” the brunette all but cried out in relief and jumped into Emma’s embrace. The blonde was speechless. Did she just safe Regina? Her Regina? “Please take me home, please.”

She didn’t have time to think now, though. The police assistant was asking through the phone and Emma grabbed it quickly from the ground while holding Regina tightly with her other hand.

She explained what happened and gave the police their location. She then hung up and let go of the other woman.

“I’ll help you stand up. On three, okay?” she asked and Regina nodded. When they were standing, Regina still clung to Emma for dear life. “The police will be here soon,” the blonde reassured her.

“I don’t want to talk to them. I don’t want to be here any longer. Can we go home? Please?” Regina was saying into Emma’s shoulder. She clearly didn’t want to face reality.

“Okay, of course. I’ll take you home.” _We can go to the station tomorrow_, Emma thought as she walked with Regina out of the damn street.

* * *

Emma got Regina home and turned the lights on. She figured darkness was not a friend right now. Regina didn’t let go of her the whole ride. It was a short distance, normally they would walk but Emma thought it would be better if she got Regina home as soon as possible.

Regina’s apartment was big but cozy. The brunette always had a feel for interiors. Even her dorm was way more stylish than Emma’s. The blonde wondered what the older woman did for living. It surely didn’t look like she was doing bad financially.

The apartment was on top floor, overlooking the city skyline through massive windows. Living room was connected to the kitchen, paintings were all over the place. Regina even had a small fire place beneath the huge TV. There, on the fire place ledge, Emma spotted their very old picture from high school. They were hugging each other and smiling brightly. Emma was shocked Regina kept this picture. AND placed it on such visible spot.

The brunette sat heavily on the couch in her living room and stared into nothing. Her gaze was empty and mascara ruined. Emma immediately turned her attention to the brunette. She wasn’t sure what to do. It ached her to see Regina like this. She frankly wanted to kill those pigs right on the spot.

She went to the kitchen to get water. She opened a medicine cabinet when she was trying to find empty glass. She didn’t want to sneak peak but one certain tube of pills caught her attention. She knew those. She took one in her hand and finally got the empty glass.

“Have some water,” she placed it on the conference table in front of the brunette. Regina just shook her head. _At least she’s present,_ Emma thought. “Gina, your body is in shock. Water can’t hurt, hm? I also took a sleeping pill for you. I think you’ll need it tonight,” she gave her an encouraging smile and placed the pill next to the glass. She used her high school nickname on purpose and it seemed to work. Regina turned to face her and Emma could see she finally truly acknowledged her presence.

“Are you not staying?” she asked with a quivering voice.

“Do you want me to stay?” Emma asked gently. Regina just nodded and drank the water. “Okay,” Emma gave her a small nod. “You should take a shower. It helps… and then you’ll take the pill, okay? I’ll be here. Nothing will happen to you.” Regina nodded again but made no attempt to get up.

Emma got up first and offered her hand to the brunette. Regina took it weakly. “Gina, tell me what you want to do. I’m kinda clueless here. You have to talk to me,” Emma looked deeply into brown eyes. She really wanted to get through the walls that Regina’s mind built as a coping mechanism. She needed to get to the woman inside. She needed to hear how she can help.

“Shower sounds good,” Regina replied quietly.

“Okay. Where is your bathroom then?” Emma asked as she didn’t see it behind the closed doors.

“In my bedroom,” the brunette replied.

“And where is your bedroom?”

“Oh. Right. There,” Regina pointed to the door furthest from living room.

Emma took her to the bedroom and sighed. It was like Regina wasn’t even there. Like she wasn’t present and Emma didn’t know what to do to snap her out of it. The blonde took off Regina’s dress since she didn’t seem to move to do it herself and gasped at the bruises that formed on her skin from how tightly they held her. She also noticed the absence of some underpants. She wasn’t sure whether to remove the red bra as well or not, but she decided against it. She didn’t know Regina didn’t have underpants. She didn’t plan on undressing her completely. Not that Regina noticed. She just didn’t react at all.

“I’ll wait outside, okay? Take off your bra and take the shower. Call if you need me,” Emma said and headed out of the bathroom. She didn’t know where to sit and Regina’s large bed was neatly made. She settled on the floor next to a big wardrobe that was near the bathroom. The carpet was actually very fluffy and comfy.

* * *

Regina was functioning on some sort of autopilot. She was aware of her surroundings but she didn’t fully register them. She knew Emma was in her apartment. That was good. Emma was helping her. Emma saved her. Those men were about to… no, she couldn’t think about that. She took her bra off and stepped into the shower. She washed her skin with soap softly at first but when she registered bruises that weren’t there in the morning, she felt their hands back on her. She started to scrub her skin in order to clean herself from _them. _Her skinned burned with their touch no matter how deeply and thoroughly she scrubbed it. She was determined to get their hands off her skin so she threw away the sponge and started to scratch herself with nails.

Her skin was already raw when Emma got there. “Stop! Regina, stop!” she screamed and caught her hands. She embraced the shaking brunette, getting completely soaked from the shower. She couldn’t care less, though. She went to check on Regina when she heard sobs and found the brunette scratching herself nearly to the meat. Her arms and legs were completely raw, her hips and belly screamed in red. She was just reaching her back when Emma got there.

The blonde was no expert but she could detect some sort of a breakdown when she saw one. She stopped the shower and helped Regina out of it. She dried her carefully with soft fluffy towel and looked at the damage. It would probably be better to get this checked. She should see a doctor anyway after the traumatic experience.

“Gina, I’ll take you to the hospital, okay?” Emma asked softly. Regina’s eyes went wide and she was shaking her head. “I really think a doctor should see you,” Emma tried to explain when she saw the brunette’s reaction.

“No hospital, please. I’m okay.”

“You are very far from okay. What was that in the shower, Gina? Hmmm? Someone educated should see you...”

“I’m sorry,” Regina breathed out and hid her face in the crook of Emma’s neck. "But please... no doctor. No man..."

“You don’t have to be sorry. Just promise me you won’t hurt yourself again," Emma gave up the fight of taking her to the hospital. It looked like it would do more damage. 

Regina nodded and Emma sighed. “I didn’t hurt myself,” Regina mumbled. “I just wanted to scrub them off…”

“I understand but you did hurt yourself in the process, Gina. Do you have any ointment here?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged.

“Ha, I have it in my bag. I usually carry one for muscle pain and one for small scratches I sometimes get,” Emma said her trail of thoughts loud. She sat Regina on the bed and run to her bag and back. She didn’t want to risk leaving the brunette too long alone again. “I’m gonna apply it, okay? It won’t hurt, I promise.”

“Okay,” she replied and watched as the blonde was gently spreading the cooling ointment. Her skin started to burn but beneath the delicate touch and cream it calmed down. When Emma was done, she watched her go to the bathroom and coming back with her nightgown. She dressed her in it and motioned towards the bed.

When Regina was safely tucked, Emma went to get more water and the sleeping pill. She found the brunette with widely open eyes, staring in the direction in which she left.

“I’m here,” Emma smiled and placed both items on the night table. “Take the pill, Gina. It will help you sleep. I’ll be here the whole night, okay? I’ll sleep on the couch,” Emma said and was about to leave the room.

“Emma?”

“Yes?” the blonde stopped.

“Thank you,” Regina whispered.

“Don’t mention it,” Emma shrugged and closed the door.

“Emma?” she heard right after so she opened the door again.

“Yes?”

“Can you please leave it open?”

“Right. Sorry. Of course.”

“Thank you.”

“Good night, Gina.”

“Good night, Em.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose I'll add tags as we go.
> 
> btw: thanks Kristin for the name of the fic.


	2. Chapter 2

Emma was awoken by loud cries coming from Regina’s bedroom not very long after they went to bed. She immediately sprinted from the living room to the bedroom where the light was still on. However, she found Regina asleep, shaking in the terror of her nightmare.

“Wake up,” Emma sat at the edge of the massive bed. She saw now that Regina was covered in sweat and tears. “Gina, you’re home. You’re safe, wake up,” Emma said quietly and caressed Regina’s cheek. She didn’t want to shake her, it might cause another panic attack. The brunette opened her eyes and hid herself beneath the covers before she registered her surroundings and Emma.

“Em,” she breathed out.

“I’m here. It was a nightmare. Do you want water?”

“Sorry I woke you up,” Regina lowered her eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” Emma said and smiled. “Can I get you anything? It’s strange you had a nightmare. Sleeping pills usually prevent that,” the blonde wondered.

“I … I didn’t take it,” Regina lowered her gaze again.

“Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll wake you up again if you’ll have another,” Emma said and got up. “Sleep well,” she smiled.

“Could you … uhm …” Regina stammered.

“What? Just say it, Gina,” Emma gave her an encouraging smile.

“Could you stay? I mean, wouldn’t you mind staying?”

“You mean here? With you?”

Regina just nodded not looking at the blonde. “The bed is big and…” she started to explain in case Emma didn’t want to sleep right next to her.

“Of course I’ll stay, Gina. We used to sleep in one bed a lot, remember?” Emma smiled and got under the covers. “Plus, this bed is like super huge. We used to sleep on a single bed together,” Emma sighed as she remembered the times when they were young. “I also remember how clingy you were so if you want, I can hug you. I’ll protect you from bad dreams,” Emma chuckled.

Regina didn’t say anything, she only moved closer to Emma and leaned into her embrace. Strong arms wrapped around her and Emma’s scent invaded her nostrils. She still smelled so heavenly. Even after all these years. Regina wasn’t actually very clingy but she was addicted to Emma’s scent. She was addicted to the blonde whatsoever. She was mad at herself now that she never acted on her feelings.

“Good night, Gina,” Emma said and kissed the crown of her head. Regina tightened her grip and fell asleep. She felt safe and for a moment she almost forgot what happened in that dark alley.

* * *

Emma woke up first, her metabolism accustomed to morning trainings. She felt Regina’s warmth and her weight. The brunette slept half on top of her. She was holding her tightly with her arm over Emma’s stomach and one strong thigh was over Emma’s. Regina’s crotch was pressed against the blonde’s thigh like this and she could feel the heat.

_Regina didn’t want you. Ever. Stop thinking about this. _Emma scolded herself internally. She was looking for someone like Regina basically the whole time they were separate. It sucked loving someone who would never love you back and so the blonde tried to find someone like Regina. Her type was definitely a brunette with dark chocolate eyes and plump lips. Her desire was never sated, though. Regina was one and only. Now pressed firmly against her body and Emma had to hold back tears because this would never happen. She wouldn’t wake up next to her, she wouldn’t be falling asleep next to her. Hell, she would never be able to make love to her. Emma swore to herself to go to her favorite gay bar today and find some helpless victim to unleash her frustration on.

Regina stirred in her sleep and pressed herself even more to Emma’s body. Thankfully she woke up and lazily turned to her back. “You’re up early,” Regina said with a raspy voice.

“I actually slept quite long today,” Emma answered.

“Long? It’s like 7am. I don’t remember you as a morning person,” Regina chuckled.

“True. But I have been waking up early since I started to do sports,” Emma shrugged. “I have a training every morning.”

“Oh,” Regina nodded. She feared Emma would leave her today, but she definitely didn’t think it would be the first thing in the morning. She slept better in Emma’s arms than she slept in years. She didn’t have more nightmares. It was like Emma was her shield. She didn’t want her to go. She realized how much she missed her.

“I’m done with the fights this year. I already won the main match. I do have to have train, though. Just not as frequently I guess,” the blonde explained while rubbing sleep from her eyes. “I just have to text my trainer that we will move the sparing to the afternoon.”

“No, I don’t want you to skip your duties because of me. You’ve already helped me more than I could ever repay you,” Regina said quietly. Emma looked at her and saw something behind her eyes that she couldn’t quite place. Sadness, hurt, worry? Emma didn’t know but was aware that she can’t leave the brunette alone.

“I’m not skipping anything, I’ll just go in the afternoon. I don’t need gym and cardio every day. Not now. And I didn’t help you to get a reward, Gina. Don’t mention it, okay?” Emma smiled. Somehow, she wanted to protect the brunette. Kinda from everything. “I’ll just text my trainer and we’ll go to the police.”

“I … I don’t want to,” Regina pulled the covers even higher, needing a protective layer.

“Gina, I’ll be there with you. You have to go, they need to put them behind the bars,” Emma deadpanned. After a moment Regina nodded.

* * *

Emma sat with Regina the whole time during the investigation. She was a witness, after all. They gave the police all details and were instructed to visit a psychiatrist. Regina even got a contact for one.

“Will you make an appointment?” Emma asked once they were out.

“I don’t think so,” Regina shook her head.

“Because?”

“I just… I don’t want to talk to some stranger about my problems. And nothing really happened. I mean…” Regina swallowed.

“Do you honestly think that nothing happened just because they couldn’t finish their act? Gina, come on. It doesn’t work like that. You had a nightmare, you didn’t turn off the light, you didn’t want your door closed… I could go on but I believe you get my point,” Emma reasoned. “Speaking of which, let’s stop at a pharmacy. You need some ointment for your skin. You’re mistaken if you think that by wearing a turtleneck I forgot.”

“I just didn’t want to expose myself,” Regina shrugged.

“Listen to me very carefully now, it was _not_ your fault. You didn’t provoke them, you didn’t tell them by any of your actions nor clothes to do what they did. What happened was not your fault; do you hear me?” Emma stopped and looked deeply into Regina’s eyes. She saw her eyes started to water and that’s when it hit Emma that Regina actually really blamed herself. “Will you please make appointment with the doctor? Please. You don’t have to keep coming there. Just give it a try. I think it would help you overcome it.”

“I don’t know, Em.”

“Please?” Emma pouted. “Just try and see. If it’s not for you, no one will force you to come back there.”

“Okay,” Regina finally agreed.

“Good. Now, how about lunch? I’m starving!”

“Aren’t you always, dear,” the brunette chuckled.

“I need energy, okay?!” Emma pretended to be offended.

“Of course,” Regina laughed. 

* * *

  
During the lunch the blonde made a mental note to make Regina call the doctor. The older woman ordered salad and barely touched it. Emma decided not to comment on it but made it her mission to get Regina to the damn shrink.

The brunette said she needed to go to her company and take vacation. She didn’t feel like going to work now and it would be the first vacation she had in years. She asked if Emma would accompany her as she somehow couldn’t imagine going on her own. Emma nodded.

“It’s Sunday, though. Are you sure someone would be there?” Emma asked.

“Oh. Forgot. I only need to tell my secretary that I won’t be retuning calls and making appointments with clients. I’ll call her then,” Regina said and fished her phone out of her purse.

“Gina, it’s Sunday. Let the poor woman breathe,” Emma smiled.

“She will pick up, don’t worry. And it’s not like I want her to do something now.”

**“Miss Mills, what can I do for you?” **the secretary picked up the phone after the first ring.

“Hello Tink, don’t worry, no extra work on Sunday. I just want you to know I won’t be coming to the office for next two weeks at least. I’ll transfer my calls to you. Please reschedule my meetings and don’t take any new ones. Catherine can meet important clients if necessary.”

**“Is everything okay, boss?”**

“Yes. I’m just taking my long overdue vacation. Catherine can handle the company for few days.”

**“Of course. Enjoy your vacation then. I’ll take care of everything.”**

“Thank you, Tink. I’ll let you know when I’ll be back,” Regina finished and hung up.

“Where do you actually work?” Emma asked.

“I started a company. We’re pretty small, I don’t want any imperium. It’s just me, Catherine and Tink. We have external help with accounting and so on but it’s basically just us.”

“Okay. But what are you doing?” Emma laughed. “Or is it a secret?”

“Oh, not at all. We design homes and interiors.”

“That’s why your home is so cozy. You always had a better eye for design than me.”

“Thank you,” Regina smiled shyly.

They walked towards Regina’s home in silence after that. “I need to get to the gym. Well, first I actually need to take gym clothes so I’ll head home. Will you be okay?” Emma asked when they were in front of Regina’s apartment building. She figured leaving the brunette on the streets alone wouldn’t do any good.

“Oh. Yes, of course. I’ll be very fine,” Regina said but Emma didn’t buy it. She could read people well and Regina was always an open book for her.

“Or do you want to go with me to the gym? I can ask my friend to assist you with some training. Or you can watch me throwing punches,” Emma chuckled.

“That would be very …” Regina started and Emma saw the change in her demeanor but then the brunette sulked again and instead finished with: “time consuming. Plus, I don’t want to be a burden. Go have fun.”

Emma sighed. She now remembered how the older woman could be stubborn. And what was even worse, how she would never ask for help.

“You know what? You’re going. End of discussion. We will warm up together, after I’ll have a sparing which you can watch and then we’ll go grab some dinner,” Emma said in a tone that left no place for discussion. Regina was internally very happy because she couldn’t imagine being home alone.

“If you insist…” she shrugged.

“Yea, I totally do.”

“Should I grab some gym clothes then?”

“If you would be so kind…” Emma laughed.

* * *

Emma noticed Regina stopped changing to her gym clothes in the changing room. “What’s the matter?” she asked.

“Uhm. I don’t feel like training today. I’ll just watch you,” Regina answered quietly.

“Gina, no one will be touching you. I’ll just show you how to use certain equipment,” Emma offered.

“Still. My headache is starting.”

Emma wanted to scream with frustration. She couldn’t read minds, but she really wished she could. There was more to this, she was sure. Regina didn’t even change to her tank top. Hell, she didn’t even take off her long sleeve T-shirt, only the turtleneck pullover. _Oh._

“You don’t want anyone to see the scratches, do you?” Emma asked quietly. Regina looked at her in amazement. No one was ever able to tell what she was thinking. But Emma… well, Emma could always tell what was wrong.

“No, I don’t. I didn’t realize gym clothes are short,” she averted her gaze, feeling incredibly stupid suddenly.

“It will just be you and me. Perks of being the champ,” Emma flexed her bicep teasingly which rewarded her with Regina’s laugh. She didn’t realize how much she missed hearing that sound. “I have a private area with equipment where I warm up and then sparing which is also just me and my trainer. And by then you’ll be fully clothed again as you won’t participate anyway,” Emma raised her eyebrows hoping to get the brunette to agree. “I already seen it, you know. You don’t have to be ashamed in front of me. Hell, in front of anyone! It will heal,” Emma smiled reassuringly.

Regina didn’t answer as she couldn’t trust her voice in that moment. She just started to take her clothes off. She saw Emma smiled and got back to her own changing routine. All of this was too much for Regina to handle. She felt taken care of. By Emma. By the last person she could have ever wished for. Instead of Emma laughing at her face how pathetic she was and running away, she was here. Not laughing, not judging. She was helping in so many ways that Regina didn’t know how to repay her.

…….

The warm up was nice. It helped Regina to get her mind off things. After she went to have a shower, wincing at how sensitive her skin was. She was now glad Emma dragged her to the pharmacy and bought the healing ointment. She dressed up and went back to the private area. Emma’s trainer was there already and they got introduced. Even though this David guy looked kind, Regina didn’t want any man around right now. Regina sat at the bench, watching Emma started to slowly go into the training with her David.

Frankly, during the training she didn’t pay much attention to the man. She was looking at Emma’s abs, her arms and strong thighs. Emma looked like she was in her element and Regina was mesmerized. She had no idea how she could ever say no to this girl. And more importantly, how could she ever question her sexuality. Seeing Emma gripping the man’s body, her muscles flexing, throwing punches… Regina got suddenly very hot. She never had such reaction to men. She scolded herself internally for being so stupid. _It was your mother. If it wasn’t for mother, maybe you would have been with Emma since high school._

Regina tried to distract herself during the rest of Emma’s training. She studied each piece of equipment in detail, she counted the light bulbs and tried to focus on David’s biceps but at the end of the day, she failed. Her eyes would always turn back to Emma. Her imagination running wild while watching the strong, yet feminine body covered in sweat.

They finished after about two hours. David helped Emma get up and they smiled at each other. They seemed to have very nice friendship. They departed from the ring and Emma smiled at Regina. “I hope you weren’t too bored.”

“Oh no, it was nice to watch the two of you,” Regina smiled back.

David joined them and placed a hand on Regina’s shoulder while saying: “Maybe next time you can try to train with us!” he said and gave her a warm smile. Regina went rigid because of the hand on her shoulder, though. She winced and tried to calm her breathing. Emma noticed the change in her posture and gently took David’s hand off Regina.

“Let’s not push it,” she said lightly and winked at David. “I’ll text you what time we’ll meet tomorrow,” Emma told the man.

“Sure, Emma. Why don’t you take a day off, though? We’re done for the season.”

“Yea, maybe. I’ll text you. Bye, David,” she said and took Regina to the dressing room.

There she observed her and sighed. “Gina… will you call the doctor?” the blonde asked quietly. She didn’t like half the reactions Regina was having. She knew this was bigger than her.

“Yea, I’ll… I’ll call now,” Regina answered and unlocked her locker with shaky hands. Emma stepped closer to her and took the smaller woman in her arms. She hugged her tightly. “Deep breaths, come on. Breathe with me. Inhale. Exhale,” Emma was saying while soothingly stroking Regina’s back. When she felt Regina calm down, she released her but was still close and took Regina’s face in her hands instead. She caressed her cheek with her thumb. “We’ll get through this,” Emma said reassuringly. She then stepped away and started to change. After a moment when Regina gathered herself she took out her phone from her purse and looked for her wallet where she placed the business card. “Gina?” Emma asked and Regina turned to face her.

“Hmmm?” the brunette asked, trying very hard not to roam with her eyes. Emma was just in her underwear.

“It’s Sunday. No one will be there,” Emma smirked. The blonde would swear she saw lust in the other woman’s eyes but this was Regina… Regina didn’t want her.

“Right,” the startled woman replied and her eyes landed on Emma’s abs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts? I feel like this is basically full of nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

To Regina’s relief Emma stayed the night again. She didn’t even have to ask her. She wasn’t sure whether she would ask or just faced the dark apartment alone if Emma told her she would go home. Regina didn’t beg. When she opened the front door of her apartment and darkness welcomed her before she switched on the lights, she wasn’t very far from begging, though. Her chest tightened and her breathing fastened.

Emma once again read her body language without any mistakes. She placed a hand around Regina’s shoulder to let her know she’s not alone. To let her know Emma got her back. Literally.

Emma forced Regina to finally eat some food. The brunette said her chest is too tight and that she’s not hungry but Emma was having none of it. “I bought green food! And we both know I am NOT eating that,” the blonde smirked. “I’m having this delicious burger and you’re having the green food.”

“It’s a salad, Emma,” Regina rolled her eyes but chuckled a bit at the blonde’s dramatics.

“It’s a rabbit food. But that’s okay. I know you like it,” she shrugged. “You’re one fluffy bunny,” she laughed and Regina joined in. _Bunnies were cute, right?_ _Emma thinks I’m cute. _“Oh shit, sorry, Gina. I forgot…” Emma apologized immediately and Regina was looking at her all confused. It took her a moment to realize what the blonde apologized for.

***Throwback – high school***

_“Come on, Gina!! We should totally go. Everyone is going, you know? It’s kinda big celebration and we should be there,” Emma exclaimed excitedly, looking through her wardrobe in their dorm. Of course she wanted to go to this stupid party. The blonde was mostly popular after she got to the football team. Regina was always looked at, though. She didn’t know if it was because of her family and their involvement in politics or because she was smarter than most of them. Not more than Emma but that is why she loved the blonde so much. She was blue in the sea of grey._

_“I don’t know, Em. But you go, I’ll be here,” Regina tried to find some compromise._

_“Bollocks! You won’t be here alone while I’m having fun. There will be booze! It would do you some good to let go for a change,” the blonde winked._

_“I am letting go enough as it is,” Regina rolled her eyes. “It’s a costume party! I’ll look like an idiot.”_

_“YOU would never look like an idiot,” Emma smiled. “And exactly, it’s a costume party! Yey! Plus, the theme is animals. We will go like some beautiful almighty animal. Don’t make me beg!”_

_“I don’t have any animal costume.”_

_“While I have the whoooole closet,” the blonde laughed. “We’ll go shopping.”_

_“Fine! But I want you to know that I hate you,” Regina gave up the fight. She knew her roommate would make her go anyway._

* * *

_“You look adorable,” Emma smiled, observing Regina in her bunny costume._

_“I really doubt it,” the brunette rolled her eyes. She felt stupid. The bunny overall was nice but she wasn’t sure about it. Why couldn’t she say no to Emma?_

_“You have ears, you have a tail… I think we nailed it.”_

_“You have both of those too.”_

_“And thanks to that I’m cute too!!!” Emma gasped, pretending to be offended. “Obviously I have both as a dog. Would be a weird dog without ears…” she studied her dog overall in the mirror, eyeing Regina in hers. The party was near the campus so they just decided to walk and therefore dress up in their dorm._

_“Do I really look cute?” the smaller woman asked shyly._

_“Of course! I wouldn’t lie to you. You’re all adorable with your pink nose and whiskers that I painted.”_

_Regina blushed slightly. “You’re cute too, by the way,” she added._

_“Hell I am. Now let’s go and enjoy the night!”_

* * *

_Emma was greeted by Killian right after they entered the house full of people. She declined his offer to show her around the house. “I’m here with Regina, thank you.”_

_They made their way to the bar, which was really just a kitchen table full of booze, and got their drinks. Robin, one of the richer kids, spotted Regina and chuckled. He made his way to them and smiled brightly at her. “Hello, my lady!” he greeted her and Emma had her blood boiling. If she hated someone it would be this prick. _

_“Uhm, hi,” the brunette blushed. Robin was taller than her, he was nicely built thanks to sports and he smelled of expensive cologne. Which he surely stole from his father. The costume of big black bear suited him._

_“Would you like some drink?” he offered Regina._

_“We have them already, thanks,” Emma replied. She did not like the way he was looking at Regina. HER Regina._

_“Uhm, Em? I think I’ll chat with Robin for a while, if you wouldn’t mind?” Regina gave her a hopeful look. Emma didn’t like this one bit. Robin was a selfish prick and all he cared about was how many girls he slept with. The blonde really, really didn’t want him to add Regina to the list. Firstly, she knew for a fact that Regina was a virgin same as herself and secondly, she still hoped that if someone took Gina’s flower it would be her. “You surely want to catch up with Killian…” Regina added after a moment. Emma didn’t want to do that._

_“Sure,” she just said and left the pair. She didn’t want to witness anything concerning that douche and Gina._

* * *

_Emma was chatting with Killian or other people from the school, not really paying attention, though. She only wondered if Regina was okay. She hoped the prick wouldn’t do anything in a house full of people._

_She heard laughter from the other room and so she excused herself from yet another conversation about sex with Killian and went to see what was so funny. She was met with Robin sitting on a table, surrounded by his peeps and Regina standing next to him. Except she had tears in her eyes. Except they all laughed at her._

_“See Regina? This is how a proper bunny looks like!” Robin laughed, pointing to one of the cheerleaders that wore a bunny outfit. Except this outfit was more for a playboy magazine. High black leather boots on heels, fishnet stockings, very short and tight skirt with little white rabbit tail at the back, naked flat belly, breasts barely covered by the white top. The only thing clearly referring to a bunny costume was the headdress with big bunny ears. “That is a bunny that this bear,” Robin pointed at himself “would get a taste of.”_

_Emma had enough. Unfortunately, there was a bunch of people separating her from the ‘Robin crowd’ and so she heard some more insults._

_“You know, that is a nice looking bunny,” he stared the girl down again. “Not such an ugly chicken like you…” he chuckled. “Did you get this costume in a kids store, Bunny?” he mocked the brunette and Regina wished to leave so much but she couldn’t. She was trapped by his friends that all laughed at her._

_“What did you expect, Robin? Of course Virgina wouldn’t wear anything sexy,” one of them laughed and the rest joined in again. Regina couldn’t control her tears anymore. She was beyond humiliated._

_“That is enough!!!” Emma finally made her way through the crowd. “Anyone who has a problem with Regina has a problem with me! You all are disgusting pigs.”_

_“Oh look, little queerie came to rescue,” Robin laughed but his friends didn’t join in. They all knew Emma could kick their asses or worse._

_“Look douche, I frankly don’t care how you call me but leave Regina the fuck out of it,” she sneered._

_“Oh come on, we were just having fun, weren’t we, Bunny?” he asked towards Regina. “None of this would have happened if Virgina wasn’t so fucking prude, you know. I offered her my help with that particular problem and she refused! Can you imagine? Apparently, I’m not enough for our ugly Bunny…”_

_“She’s not ugly, you swine! I wouldn’t go with you either even if you were the last living soul!”_

_“What a surprise, hermaphrodite,” he chuckled._

_“You’re a waste of oxygen,” Emma replied and took Regina’s hand to take her away._

_“You know you should be grateful I offered you my dick, Bunny! Someone like you could never get such a good looking lay!” he shouted after them._

_That’s when Emma turned around and punched him square in the face. She heard his nose breaking and his swears. She decided there and then she wanted to learn how to throw punches properly. A broken nose was not enough. She aimed for broken jaw. He could still talk with only his nose broken. Plus, her hand hurt like crazy now. Maybe she broke a bone or something. She definitely needed to learn how to kick someone’s ass properly without getting hurt in the process._

_She got Regina out of there and couldn’t apologize enough for dragging her to the party in the first place. The brunette didn’t blame her, though. She only blamed herself for sending Emma away and wanting to talk to Robin._

_Well, she thought he wanted to talk. However his idea of fun was slightly different and when she refused to let him take her in the closet, he all but dragged her out and started to insult her. He started privately at first but then made sure everyone heard…_

** _*_ ** **End of throwback***

* * *

“Hmmm. It was so long ago, Emma. I frankly barely remember,” Regina answered honestly. The nickname didn’t bother her anymore. She moved on.

“That’s how I got into MMA, actually. Kinda funny, isn’t it? Now I’m the champ,” Emma chuckled.

“Really? How come? I didn’t know that.”

“Well, I signed up for box after that. The punch wasn’t strong enough and I really wanted to know how to throw one properly. I wanted to be able to defend you and myself. I never intended to get into it the way I did but it just happened. My coach said that I had a talent. He said that it would be tough because I started later than most but he saw something in me. He transferred me to MMA from box and trained me daily. It’s not like I had any super career ahead of me, you know. I didn’t want to be a doctor, nor layer, nor any other fancy job like that. I didn’t know what to become so I trained with him,” Emma said over the cup of tea as she was remembering how it all started. When Regina said nothing, she continued.

“And the more I trained the less I had time to think about you… you went to college to get your fancy degree and it’s not like we talked anymore… and honestly, I was getting real good thanks to that. When David thought I was ready, he sighed me up for competition and I won. In the first round. It was a knockout in ten seconds of the match and I finally made some money. I also got sponsors. It was mostly David financing me until then as I didn’t have time to do even a part-time job. I already repaid him everything he invested in me, even though he insisted it wasn’t necessary. But you know me…” Emma smiled.

“Is David the guy I saw at the gym earlier?” Regina only asked. She was still hooked on the first sentence. Emma’s voice wasn’t accusatory at all but she still hated herself for hurting the blonde.

“Yes, that’s my first and last coach. I was getting offers from others but I never accepted it. He made me who I am. I owe him for the life I’m living now. There is no way I would switch to someone else. He’s like the dad I never had, even though he could be my brother considering he’s only few years older,” she chuckled.

“He seemed nice,” Regina offered quietly and finished her tea.

“He really is. Especially when you get to know him.”

* * *

“So, what’s the plan today?” Emma asked over breakfast. She should probably get going. This wasn’t healthy for _her._ Regina was always her weakness and boy, did she age well. It’s like she actually didn’t age, only gained more hotness. It wasn’t fair. But Emma knew the brunette is not ready to be alone. She needs to get her to therapy first. She would just have to control herself a little longer.

“I have an therapy actually,” Regina admitted fidgeting in her seat. Emma couldn’t understand what she was uncertain about.

“That’s great! I’m so proud of you. I know it was a big step to call there,” Emma smiled.

“Thank you,” she answered shyly.

“Do you want to tell me more?” the blonde tried.

“Uhm. Well, I called the place I got from the police officer and specifically asked for a female doctor. The receptionist told me they only had female doctors and that the closest free appointment is today so she made a reservation for me,” Regina replied and Emma watched how the brunette gripped the coffee mug tighter.

“It will be okay, you know. Just give it a shot,” she reassured her. “Is it far? Do you want me to go with you?”

Regina shook her head but didn’t say anything.

“No to what? The distance or my presence?” she searched brown eyes for at least some clue.

“It’s not far. It’s on the way to your place,” Regina finally replied.

“Okay… so I’ll take you and then head home,” Emma summarized. It would be good for her to spend some time apart. She couldn’t give this a bigger significance than what it was. Regina didn’t want to be_ alone_ but that didn’t mean she actually wanted to be with _her._

“Thank you, Emma,” the brunette said quietly.

“For what? For heading home?” the blonde winked teasingly.

* * *

“Regina Mills?” the receptionist called to the waiting room. Regina got up and followed her inside the office. “Dr. Maleficent will see you shortly, have a seat,” she said and closed the door behind herself.

_Well this is pointless. Talking about feelings with a complete stranger. What a waste of time. _Regina thought while observing the office. It had a large wooden desk, cozy furniture and big couch. She’d be damned if she ever laid down onto it. No, she preferred sitting. It didn’t feel so vulnerable.

“Sorry for the delay. I am Maleficent,” a tall blonde woman with light blue eyes entered the room and extended her hand to Regina. She shook it lightly and was taken aback by her presumed therapist.

“I am Regina,” she however answered strongly. She built her walls up. It was a habit she gained while living with Cora. _“Never show weakness, Regina!” _she could hear her Mother’s voice.

“Now tell me Regina, why are you here?” the therapist sat in her chair on the other side of the desk and grabbed her notebook.

“I… uhm… I don’t really know,” the brunette shrugged. Maleficent of course immediately noted how the brunette closed up. She knew why Regina was sent here but she needed the patient to tell her herself.

“Alright, why don’t we start with your day then. What did you do?”

“Aren’t you supposed to diagnose me and ten dig deeply into my life? I really don’t see how talking about my day would help me. With all respect,” Regina deadpanned.

“Do you know how trapped animal reacts, Regina?” she asked calmly.

“What? What does that have to do with anything?”

“When the animal is trapped and cornered, it attacks. But I am not trapping you here, I am not trying to corner you. I am here to help you sort whatever it is you’re going through. I am not the enemy, Regina.”

The brunette sat quietly for a moment, soaking up the answer and deciding whether she wanted to play along or not. Maleficent patiently waited.

“I, uhm… I had coffee with Emma in the morning. She then walked with me here and went home. Saying I should call if I need anything,” she slowly started, pulling at her sleeves. The move did not go unnoticed by the therapist.

“Good. Thank you for telling me,” the blonde answered and scribbled something in her notebook. “Now, would you like to tell me more about this Emma?”

“Emma is… was… ehm,” she stumbled. What was Emma to her?

“Take your time, it’s okay.”

Regina took a deep breath and tried again: “I know Emma since high school. We used to be very close… best friends, you could say…”

“And what happened? Why are you not best friends anymore? Yet eating breakfast together.”

“I hurt her… and yet recently she saved me,” Regina crossed arms at her chest. Mal knew this protective gesture very well but she decided to push a little. She knew Regina wouldn’t open up just like that. She would need time and a little push now and then.

“What did she save you from?”

“The rape,” Regina breathed out.

* * *

Emma was training when she received the text from Regina, asking whether she could come over. She read it an hour later when the sparing ended. She took very fast shower, changed to her clothes and rushed to Regina’s straight from the gym. Regina Mills didn’t ask for things, she didn’t beg either so when Emma received a text asking for her presence, she got slightly scared.

She wasn’t wrong nor was she right. Ever since she got to the brunette, Regina didn’t say much. She just turned a movie on and laid down on the couch, with her head on Emma’s lap. Emma didn’t know what was going on but she saw how the smaller woman looked exhausted. The therapy was probably tough.

She placed a blanket over the laying body and caressed her hair. She had no idea when did they fall asleep but even though she slept in a sitting position, she couldn’t remember a time when she slept so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts are always appreciated :)


	4. Chapter 4

Emma grew a bit more distant from the brunette and it bothered the said brunette. She was attending therapies weekly now and bonded quite nicely with Mal. She almost started to believe it wasn’t her fault. Almost. She still didn’t give up on her long sleeve T-shirts, fully buttoned up blouses or sometimes even turtlenecks. The less skin they see, the better.

BUT since she grew more confident in her own apartment and on the streets, Emma distanced herself. She checked on the brunette now and then, she still helped her if needed but she was spending way less time with her. Regina knew she couldn’t blame her. She knew why Emma did it. She knew the blonde just wanted to protect herself. BUT things were different. Regina was not the frightened girl she once was. She now knew being with a woman is far from _unnatural_. She knew Emma wasn’t a _freak._

The brunette wished she could just go back in time and unsay all those things that she said.

She even considered that Emma had someone else. Why wouldn’t she, right? She was beautiful and successful, smart and funny. But the champion denied any partners in her life when Regina asked her one evening while watching TV. Regina also wasn’t blind. She knew how Emma looked at her. She was seeing this kind of look her whole high school. And boy, did she miss the look.

So Regina knew it was solemnly for Emma’s sake that she distanced herself. But the truth was, she was missing the blonde. She got used to her presence, her soothing touch, her smile…. Regina talked about it with Mal and the therapist agreed that Emma was good for the brunette. Then they started to talk about Regina’s new turtleneck and why the designer had the need to buy one.

* * *

Weeks passed and Regina was making progress. During one of their therapy Mal suggested it would be good for her to learn some self-defense. It would be easier to walk the streets once she knew how to defend herself. Regina agreed. She remembered how Emma didn’t even flinch when she saw the men. She actually kicked their asses. The brunette knew she wouldn’t get as good as Emma but some basics surely wouldn’t hurt.

“I can give you some contacts. We have female only classes,” the therapist said and checked her drawer for business cards.

“There would be no need. I’ll just ask Emma,” Regina replied.

“I don’t think Emma is teaching classes, Regina. Don’t get your hopes high,” Mal warned.

“It would be a good excuse why to see her, though. And I’m sure we will figure something out.”

“Alright. Take the card, though. Just in case,” the doctor insisted.

Regina shrugged and accepted even though she knew she wasn’t going to use it. She wouldn’t go to any random class anyway if Emma refused to teach her.

* * *

Regina sighed and picked up the phone. She missed Emma and she was honestly afraid of tomorrow. Emma said to let her know if she would need her and Regina did. Right now she really did.

**Could you stop by in the evening? I’ll cook.**

The brunette typed and sent the message. She didn’t wait long for reply.

**I’m not sure yet. Is something wrong?**

Yes, Emma was officially avoiding her. Regina was willing to fight, though. She lost her chance back then and she won’t lose again.

**Yes. I would really appreciate it if you could make it…**

She typed back.

**Okay. Does 7pm work for you?**

She was happy. She knew she had to push a little but that still didn’t take away her excitement. She sent her agreement back and opened her computer. She needed to do some grocery shopping and lately she started to enjoy online shopping very much. The company didn’t even question why she wanted the goods delivered by females only.

* * *

They exchanged small talk during the food preparation and Emma saw Regina was a bit tensed. All she wanted was to reach out and make it go away but she couldn’t. That’s why the distance. Emma needed to get her shit back together.

All feelings bubbled on the surface and she didn’t know what to do. Well, that was a lie. She knew she had to stop seeing the brunette. She had no capacity for another heartbreak. She also knew she couldn’t just ghost her. Not after what Regina recently went through. That why she offered to help her anytime needed.

The time clearly came now and Emma had no strength to decline. She knew she was torturing herself because Regina looked even better than ten years ago but she couldn’t let her go through everything alone. So here she was, trying to keep it cool. Trying not to give into her urges.

“You seem tense, Gina. What happened?” Emma asked during dinner.

“Well, it’s more about what’s suppose to happen. I have to start working again,” Regina replied, more playing with the food than eating it.

“Oh. When?”

“Tomorrow,” the brunette sighed.

“Shit. That’s early…” Emma swallowed.

“Is it, though? It’s been weeks, Em. I must face the world again. Even though I’m scared.”

“It’s your office. It’s something you love doing. It will be alright,” the blonde smiled encouragingly.

“Maybe. But what if I have to go see a client and the client just happens to be a man? Alone in his apartment? I wouldn’t be able to go there, Emma… I’m not there yet mentally.”

“You won’t have to. You’re not alone in your company, isn’t that right? You will do the office work. Designs, plans, budget… your co-owner will handle the actual meetings with customers,” she offered.

“I’m not sure that would work…”

“It would. Just talk to your friend. You don’t have to tell what happened but share something. I’m sure she will understand and divide the work.”

“I don’t know, Emma,” Regina sighed. She didn’t want to tell why she was absent for so long and she surely didn’t want to explain herself.

“But I do. Talk to her. She will understand,” Emma gave her an encouraging smile. “I mean… you love your work, right? And you’re good at it. It will be fine.”

“I suppose…”

“No worries, you’ll make it! You can always call me if you need to.”

“Thank you, Emma.”

* * *

“Thanks for diner! It was delicious,” Emma smiled as she took her plate to take it to the sink.

“Don’t mention it,” Regina repaid the smile with her own. “And what exactly are you doing? Please leave the dishes. I’ll clean the table.”

“It’s the least I can do,” Emma insisted and took Regina’s plate as well. The brunette blushed slightly. She wasn’t used to people taking care of her. It was a nice change. “Well, I should get going,” the blonde said when she checked her watch. Regina’s chest tightened. She wasn’t ready to let Emma go. They haven’t seen each other for so long…

“Don’t you want to watch a movie? I still have something to ask you…” she blurted out.

“To ask me?” Emma furrowed her brow.

“Yes. It’s not important, though… I won’t keep you here if you want to go,” she sulked.

“No, it’s … ehm, it’s okay. I can stay for a movie,” Emma replied, reading her friend’s body language way too well. She just hoped they would sit far from each other. She wouldn’t be able to handle Regina’s warm body next to hers.

Regina smiled and went to get wine. She needed her stress release.

“I won’t have wine so bring only one glass,” Emma shouted from the living room.

“What? Why?”

“I’m back in full training so alcohol is out,” Emma shrugged. It was only partly a lie. She had a morning training and had certain diet but most of all, she needed to guard herself.

“Oh,” Regina nodded.

“But you can have some, I don’t mind,” the blonde reassured her.

“Are you certain?”

“Yes, of course,” she smiled.

When they were both seated on the couch, Regina turned to Emma. The blonde held her breath. Her friend was surely closer than she would like and she had the pleading look now.

“Would you train me?” Regina said way too fast.

“What?” Emma answered in shock.

“I mean… self-defense. Mal said it would be good for me and I actually agree. I like the thought. To be able to fight back, you know…”

“Yea, it’s a really good idea. It trains your mind as well… but I’m not a trainer, Gina. And I don’t do self-defense. MMA is way different,” Emma said apologetically.

“I know it’s different. I don’t know much about fighting but I figured,” Regina chuckled. “But you know how to protect yourself. Would you train me? Please.”

“Ehm … I … I think you need a professional, you know?” Emma said but it ended as a question. It’s not like she didn’t want to help the brunette because she did but she had no clue how to be so close to her. Both sweaty and panting.

“You are the champion, if I remember correctly,” Regina raised her eyebrow. Gesture Emma always found very hard to resist.

“Of MMA. Not of self-defense. I could ask in the gym, though. I’m sure we have some classes,” the blonde offered.

“No, Emma, please. No people. No men. Just you. I don’t trust anyone else,” Regina pleaded. She couldn’t imagine being touched by a stranger. Even self-defense required very close human contact and there was no way she would let anyone touch her.

Regina could see the wheels turning in that pretty blonde head. She started to worry Emma would reject her after a moment of silence. She really couldn’t go to some random class with random people. Not even women.

“Okay,” Emma sighed after what felt like a century.

“Really?” Regina smiled fully.

“Yea… okay. But I don’t have much time now. We would have to train after my training in the evening…”

“That’s okay. I understand you’re busy so I get that. I’ll be back at work anyway so I wouldn’t have time during the day either.”

“Right. Well, I’ll need to get some knowledge on the craft first. I suppose your potential attackers won’t try to kick you to the face… cuz I know how to block that but… you’ll need different kind of defense and I really don’t want to screw that up so I’ll have to ask around…” Emma rambled.

“No worries, Em,” Regina smiled. She felt touched by the blonde’s determination. “We can start whenever you feel ready.”

“How about next week? On Monday?”

“Already? Yes, of course.”

“Twice a week?”

“Sure,” Regina chuckled.

Emma just nodded and turned her head to the TV. Did she just sign a deal with the devil? Yes, she probably did. She would have to use all her willpower to shut any feelings down. She got into her training process a month earlier just to take her mind off Regina. To focus on her goal for the season. And now here she was. Cozy on a couch with said brunette and plans for their annual workout.

Regina relaxed a bit next to the blonde. First, she had Emma close to her. She liked Emma close to her. And second, she wasn’t so scared of work anymore. The blonde once again helped her with her fears and worries. Plus, they would train together and Regina would be able to fight back. She won’t have to be scared of men and dark streets anymore. Once again all thanks to her champion.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, I'm really insecure about this chapter, so.. be gentle

“Don’t you finally want to share what happened with you and Emma back then?“ Mal asked as she observed Regina. Her patient sulked a little but she didn’t build her walls back up. Yet.

“I … ehm, I hardly see how it’s important now,” Regina whispered and tried not to fidget too much.

“I think it’s very important. You will train with Emma now which means you must have enormous trust in your friend,” Mal stated.

“Well, I do. But what does it matter?”

“It matters.”

“I don’t know where to start,” Regina shrugged.

“Try to paint the picture for me.”

“Okay… we were very close back then. We lived in one dorm our whole high school and we definitely were soulmates… But I was stupid…”

“Elaborate,” Mal gave her an encouraging look.

“Emma’s always had my back. I wasn’t the most popular. Being Mill’s daughter AND with the best grades, you can probably imagine. I was supposed to go to politics but I never wanted that. It was my Mother’s dream,” Regina sighed.

“Tell me more about your childhood then,” Mal urged.

“It was… uhm… normal,” Regina shrugged.

“Based on your body language, your tone and your walls all up, I can reassure you it wasn’t so please, share with me, Regina. We’re here for you. You need to let me in.”

Mal watched as the brunette took few deep breaths. She switched position on the chair several times, eyeing the couch… maybe it would be easier if she was saying it to a ceiling.

“Why don’t you get comfortable?” the therapist suggested, gesturing towards the couch. Regina internally admitted defeat. She was one of those people now…

She made her way to the couch and laid on her back. Then she slowly started: “My mother was… uhm, strict. Heartless, some said.” When there was no comment from Mal, she decided to continue. “Everything had to be the way she wanted. If it wasn’t, there would be consequences and some sort of punishment. She wouldn’t let me eat if she thought I am too fat. ‘You can’t find a suitable man if you’ll look like this,’ she always said.”

“And your father was okay with this?” Mal asked with neutral face and neutral tone, inside she was bubbling, though.

“He was a nice man. I think he feared her. He just didn’t want to do any harm. Of course, he didn’t like when mother hit me or punished me any other way but he didn’t step up. Ever. He only did things behind her back. Like bringing me dinner if she forbade me to eat or paying for the dorm. That’s how I got to the campus in the first place. He knew I am miserable at home and he wanted to help me to get out of the house. Somehow we convinced mother to allow me to stay there if I’ll keep my grades up.”

“I think it was very good for you to leave the house,” Mal stated. “Is that where you met Emma?”

“Yes. We were roommates since the beginning. Mother insisted I had a shared room. I think it was just another manipulation on her part. She thought I would just come back home where I didn’t have to share,” Regina chuckled.

“But your roommate was Emma…” the therapist concluded.

“Yes,” Regina smiled. “Emma Swan. A girl my mother surely didn’t count with.”

“So what happened at the end?”

***Throwback to the last day of high school** *****

_Regina got speechless when she reached her dorm. There were candles everywhere and Emma was smiling at her from her bed. _

_They both decided not to go to the school party as they wanted to enjoy their last day and night in each other’s company. They weren’t sure when they will have an opportunity to live together again._

_“What is all this, Em?” Regina asked, looking around completely baffled._

_“I, uhm…” the blonde fidgeted on the bed. “Would you come here? Next to me?” the blonde asked shyly. When Regina sat next to her, she could see the tenderness in Emma’s eyes. She could see how deep the blonde’s feelings were._

_“What’s going on?” Regina whispered, not breaking eye contact._

_“I was thinking… I don’t really have a plan, you know. I would go wherever you are. I can’t imagine that we would just say goodbye now and wouldn’t see each other again… just the idea of that pains me… so how about I’ll jump into the car that’s supposed to pick you up tomorrow morning and just go with you? I really don’t care where you’re heading. I just wanna be there…” Emma was saying quietly, holding Regina’s hand while doing so._

_“We wouldn’t stop seeing each other, Emma,” Regina reassured her. The blonde interrupted her before she could say anything else, though._

_“Yea, I figured. Still,” Emma sighed. “And there’s one more thing… the candles and such… uhm,” the blonde took a deep breath and looked deeply into Regina’s eyes. The brunette could see how shy she was. She had no idea why, though. They shared everything with each other. Well, almost. They had until last week._

_“You can talk to me. You know that,” Regina said encouragingly, squeezing Emma’s hand._

_“Right. I… uhm… I want my first time to be with you, Gina. And yours with me. Tonight. And tomorrow, we’ll leave together,” Emma breathed out and Regina started to panic. “I know you’re scared but I wouldn’t hurt you. I would never hurt you. Please, let me be your first and be my first,” Emma was looking directly into her eyes with so much love and hope. The brunette had to swallow. Her mouth went dry and her chest tightened. _What would Mother say… No, I can’t do this. Ever. Not with a girl.

_“Emma, it’s… uhm… it’s too late for that. Remember last week? When I came back very late?” Regina asked and Emma nodded. “I was with Robin… I… I did it with Robin,” the brunette breathed out. She couldn’t say it was a pleasant experience. It actually wasn’t. And normally she would talk about it with the blonde and they would share thoughts, but she knew Emma couldn’t know. Once her words left her mouth, Emma pulled her hands away._

_“How could you?” she had tears in her eyes and she pressed her legs to her chest._

_“It’s not like we could be together, Emma. It’s unnatural. I love you but not like this… It goes against the nature,” Regina reasoned. Her Mother would kill her if she ever found out she had some attraction towards women. It was not normal._

_“Unnatural? You call love unnatural?” Emma sobbed._

_“Between two women yes… It’s not correct. It’s an anomaly. People of same sex having sex are freaks of nature. I’m so sorry, Em,” Regina started to cry too when she saw Emma’s heart breaking right in front of her own eyes. “Can we just be friends? I don’t want to lose you.”_

_Did she really just call Emma a freak? She wanted to apologize for that part but Emma flew out of the bed, out of the room and that was the last she ever saw her…_

** _*End of throwback*_ **

“Why didn’t you try to contact her?” Mal asked when Regina finished the story. She could see the shame her patient had about what happened.

“I did. I tried to apologize. I didn’t know what to say at first so it took me about a week. And by then Emma had new number. The text never got delivered,” Regina sighed.

“Maybe you should apologize now if you want any future with Emma,” Mal suggested.

“I… I know that. I just don’t know how to bring the subject up. I don’t want to open old wounds.”

“They can’t heal if you won’t open them. You said Emma got distant once you got better. Why do you think that is?”

“She’s protecting herself, of course.”

“Yes. She is a freak in your eyes, Regina.”

“But that’s non-sense!! She’s not a freak! Mother was putting words into my mouth,” Regina exploded.

“I know that and you know that. She doesn’t.”

* * *

Regina got to the gym earlier. Her first week at work was hectic. Catherine took care of the company to her best abilities but a lot of work was overdue. The designer still had a big pile of papers on her table. She needed to get out of there so she decided to head to the gym a little earlier.

She got to the private area like last time and was not disappointed to find Emma. She was still in the ring, focused on the fight. She was gripping David on the ground until the man tapped with his hand 3 times to let her know she won. They both got up and Emma smiled at him. “Again,” she said and tried to attack him.

Regina was lurking in the shadow by the front door. When did Emma become so mesmerizing? Her muscles were flexed, her blonde locks tamed in a pony tail. They got to the ground again and were fighting for dominance.

Regina bit her lip and didn’t make a sound. She didn’t want to disturb them, didn’t want her presence to be known just yet. David got Emma on her back and the blonde gripped the man’s body so that her biceps was on full display. Regina started to feel her arousal and suddenly she felt like a perv.

She shook her head and checked her watch. She still had time but she would have to change into gym clothes and she would _not _creep on Emma like that again. She left her hideout and waved at Emma to greet her. She and David were on their feet again and Emma smiled at the brunette.

“What time is it? Are we late?” Emma asked, trying to catch her breath.

“No, not at all. I’m actually early. I’ll go change,” Regina smiled.

“Okay,” Emma nodded. “I guess we’re done for today, coach,” she high fived David. “I’m gonna stretch a bit.”

“Sure, Em. See you tomorrow morning,” he hugged her, said goodbye to Regina and went to his changing room.

“I think I’ll take a shower actually. I’m pretty sure I smell bad and we won’t probably break a sweat during our first lesson,” Emma chuckled. “So I’ll go with you. Don’t you mind warming up a bit while I’m showering?”

“No, not at all,” she reassured her on the way to the changing room.

* * *

Regina did some push ups and stretching to warm up. She also eyed the boxing bags, wondering if she would ever use them. Emma emerged from the dressing room looking fresh and relaxed.

“So, you ready?” the blonde smirked and jumped into the boxing ring.

“I guess so,” Regina answered and joined her. Was she ready to throw punches? Yes. Was she ready to be in such proximity with Emma? She wasn’t so sure.

“Okay. I don’t really know how to start but I guess it would be good for you if you knew how to defend herself first. Then we will learn how to throw a punch. Sounds acceptable?”

“Of course.”

“Good. Attack me then.”

“What?” Regina asked baffled. This is not how she imagined her lessons. Let alone the first one.

Emma chuckled. “Attack me. Try to hit me, try to pin me down, come on.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh, you won’t. Believe me,” she laughed.

The brunette was hesitant but remembered that Emma was a champ. It would be unlikely that she would actually punch her so Regina made her move. It was aimed to hit Emma in the face which is what she would do if she wanted to hurt someone. Emma dodged her head, grabbed Regina by the attacking hand and turned her in her arms. She had her in a grip now with Regina’s arms crossed over her chest and without any possibility to move. She could feel Emma’s strong body, she could feel her shower gel and her scent. Before she knew it, Emma released her and turned her around again.

“So, now let’s do this slow so I can show you what and how I did that. Then you will try it on me.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ready for some angst? ;) just a little bit of it, though

They have been training for a month now and Emma wasn’t sure how long she would be able to keep this up. Twice a week self-defence with the woman that broke her heart. She knew it wasn’t technically Regina’s fault. Emma was aware of Cora but she was young and naive. She believed love would endure everything. She believed that love was all they needed to be happy. But Regina clearly didn’t love her that way.

Having the extra training wasn’t the problem. It wasn’t very hard when it came to the physical part. It was the _skin on skin_ part. Regina still wore T-shirt’s but she switched to short sleeves and workout material which clung to her body like a second skin. Her shorts were also short. There just was a lot of skin. Too much skin for Emma to handle.

The fact they were pressed together rather often didn’t help either. Emma had Regina’s body mapped almost fully now. They were training attacks with bare hands, attacks with knives and they would get to weapons as well. And Emma had a feeling that Regina sometimes lingered a second too long in her grip or embrace. She felt the brunette leaning against her body and it did things to Emma. _She doesn’t want you!_

At least the blonde was working really hard now to get her mind off things. Well, off Regina. David even commented on it: “You can’t overdo it, Emma,” he said with concern in his eyes. The champ smiled and said she’s fine. She even had her sport’s shrink but this issue wasn’t about her sport mindset. It had nothing to do with it and yet it had everything to do with it. She couldn’t forget brown eyes and tentative smiles. She also couldn’t forget how Regina broke down in front of her when the assault happened.

She was very conflicted. She would give the woman her heart. But she couldn’t. She already did that and it didn’t end well for her. She needed to protect that small piece that was left. BUT she also didn’t want to leave Regina to her own accord. She’s never seen the woman so small. Not even at school when she wasn’t popular or at that stupid party. The brunette always had her composure. Well, until the day in the shower. That was a raw image of a broken woman and Emma couldn’t just leave her now, could she.

Of course, Regina was better. Therapies seemed to work but that didn’t mean she was truly okay. What if Emma told her they can’t see each other? What if she told her not to call ever again and something triggered her and she would be all alone with her demons?

Emma groaned to the empty gym. She was waiting for the woman in question to make an appearance. It was slowly getting dark and the blonde started to worry a bit. She always walked Regina home when they were done with the lesson. It was already dark outside and she could see in brown eyes that was still an issue. Especially because the shortest way was next to the small dark street. They usually avoided it, though.

Just when she was about to get up and go fetch her phone from the dressing room to call Regina if she was okay, the brunette walked through the door. “I’m sorry! I got held up at work,” she smiled apologetically.

“No worries,” Emma replied and smiled back.

“I’m just gonna change real quick and then we can start.”

* * *

Today Emma has planned to teach the brunette how to handle someone who pins you down. She didn’t think it through, though. She had Regina straddling her, holding her wrists above her head and _smirking_ at her. Emma really tried to focus. She did. BUT why was Regina looking at her this way… the smirk was however wiped from that beautiful face right away when Emma turned their roles with one simple motion. She showed her student how she did it and wanted from Regina to repeat it after her.

So now, she was the one straddling the smaller woman. She knew she was stronger than Regina but the abuser would be as well so she showed her a trick how to turn it to her advantage. She held Regina down, looking for any signs of discomfort but she didn’t see any. She knew it was because the woman beneath trusted her. She knew she wouldn’t hurt her. Emma could only imagine how Regina would react to was someone else in this position.

They tried this few rounds until Regina really got a grip about the maneuver. Emma wanted to be sure she had it deep within. If someone attacks you and you panic, you need to react on instinct and that’s what she was trying to achieve here.

Emma straddled her hips one more time and adjusted her ponytail. She saw Regina’s eyes rake all over her body, stopping at her flexed abs. _This is not sexual, Swan. Nothing about this is… _Before the blonde could react, Regina lifted her arm and placed it on Emma’s abs. She then locked eyes with the blonde and Emma got up abruptly. “I can’t do this, Regina!” she groaned.

“What? Sorry, Emma. I didn’t mean to…” the brunette said but didn’t finish the sentence. What didn’t she mean? Because she wanted to touch those abs at that moment. She wanted to caress Emma’s skin. She wanted many things.

“No. No no no,” Emma was repeating, shaking her head. “I can’t teach you anymore. I can’t see you anymore. You’re giving me all these mixed signals and it’s fucking with my head, okay?! I can’t just… I can’t,” she said and wanted to leave.

“Emma, wait! Please don’t do this. I’m sorry. For everything,” the brunette got up.

“You don’t have to apologize. Just embrace it. I’m a _freak_, Regina. Act like it,” Emma seethed. “I will ask around. I’m sure someone here teaches self-defence. You’d be in good hands,” the blonde sighed. It ached her already. It pained her to see the desperation in her friend’s eyes but Emma couldn’t keep this up. All she wanted was to be with the woman, to protect her and make her feel safe. She wanted to kiss her all over, she wanted to show her how good it could be. But she knew Regina didn’t want that. She couldn’t understand why suddenly she acted like she did but it didn’t matter anymore. Emma decided she wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore.

“You’re not a freak, Em! Oh my god,” she made her way to the blonde. She wanted to touch her but didn’t think it would be welcomed. “I was young and very stupid. Mother put words in my mouth. I never meant to say it,” she said with urgency in her voice. “I’m really sorry for what happened that evening.”

“Oh yeah? You don’t even know what happened, Regina,” Emma exclaimed and tried to hold back tears. “When I left our dorm I wanted to go to the party and get wasted but I was just in PJs so I sat at the bench outside, crying and didn’t know what to do. I so wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget you, your face, your smile… and mostly your words,” Emma tensed. “It was as if Hook knew I’m there. He came and offered me his rum. He even brought coke for me as I didn’t really fancy straight rum. And I got pretty drunk. He took me to his room and… well, I did lose virginity that night,” Emma laughed bitterly. “Just not in a way I imagined. And let me tell you, Regina, nothing felt _natural_ about that. And it’s not like it was his fault. I think he was trying to be gentle actually but it is what it is… that experience scarred me so much that I didn’t have sex for at least next two years. I had it associated with pain and a taste of rum,” Emma shared and tears were now freely running down her face. “Now I don’t say it’s your fault because it’s not. You can’t make a straight person gay. I should have known. But please stop touching me and stop looking at me like you want to kiss me. It hurts, Regina. It fucking hurts.”

Regina didn’t know what to say. She started to cry right after Emma started to tell the story. Never she had ever thought Emma didn’t lose virginity with some lovely girl after school. Never she had ever thought that Hook was actually the one. She felt sick from her stomach. It should have been _her_. She should have been the one. _Damn you, Mother._

“I… Emma,” she said and her voice hitched. She now however took the slender hands in her own and squeezed gently.

“As I said, I don’t blame you for it. I made those decisions, not you,” Emma shrugged and untangled right hand to dry her tears with the back of it. “Let’s go, I’ll walk you home,” she said and retrieved her left hand as well.

Regina didn’t know how to react or what to say. She just knew this is not how they would end this conversation. She decided to improvise. “Wait. Do you know what I was doing before the… ehm, before the thing happened?” Regina asked quietly and took Emma’s hands again. She just needed to hold her somehow.

“What thing? Before you made it to the dorm or?”

“No no, now. Before the rape attempt,” she breathed out. The words still heavy in her mouth.

“Oh. No, we haven’t talked about that. But I don’t think it matters, Gina. It was not your fault, okay?” Emma asked with raised eyebrows.

“That’s not why I’m asking,” Regina smiled. “I was at the bar there.”

“That’s a gay bar,” the blonde stated.

“Yes.”

“What did you do in a gay bar?” Emma asked, slightly baffled. Regina found it cute how Emma just didn’t connect the dots. She probably couldn’t blame her, though. She broke her heart because she was _straight_ after all.

“Well… I kind of wanted to check it out. To see what it has to offer. I’m gay, Emma. It took me a very long time to actually admit it. Hell, it took a very long time to even acknowledge it but here I am… I am incredibly sorry for hurting you so much just because I was a coward. But…,” Regina took a deep breath because she was a bit afraid of rejection. “You are not a freak, Emma. I should have never said it. And I know it’s not unnatural. It took me way too long to realize that but I _know_ now. And _if_ you are a freak then I am one, too.”

“What?” Emma just whispered.

“I know it’s a lot to take in, considering our history,” she said tentatively. “And I haven’t been out of the closet for very long. Damn, I actually haven’t even kissed a woman yet. But I _know_ men are not for me. I just know. It has always been you, Em. It should have been you all the way and I am truly sorry.”

“I just need some air,” the blonde gulped and run out of the gym. Regina sighed and desperately tried to hold back tears. She should have seen it coming. What did she think? Of course Emma wouldn’t be on board after everything. She hoped her friend just needed some time to process it and then everything would be okay but she wasn’t sure if she even deserved such chance. She broke the girl’s heart, she knew that. One tear rolled down her cheek and more followed soon after.

Regina decided to just go change and try to brace herself for the walk home. In darkness. Without Emma. The blonde however entered the changing room after a moment and started to undress. Regina observed her for a moment but didn’t know what to say and her friend clearly wasn’t going to either. With shaky hands she started to do the same.

When they were both in their underwear Emma finally said something: “I didn’t know you were one for cotton briefs. I don’t remember you wearing those even during high school,” the blonde observed. Regina always had high-fashioned lacy panties or thongs. It was driving her mad even back then.

“Oh…,” the brunette averted her eyes, suddenly finding the ground very interesting. “I … uhm, I changed the style of my underwear a bit…” she explained very quietly.

“And why is that?” Emma wanted to know. She had some ideas about this.

“It’s not important,” the brunette lied, scratching her forearm.

“Gina, talk to me,” the champ urged and stepped closer. She took her arm to stop the other woman from the scratching it and smiled gently.

“It’s just… _they _commented on my thongs, Em. Maybe if I wore cotton briefs, they wouldn’t do it,” she breathed out.

“First of all, you really didn’t give them any signs you wanted that, okay? And you’re mistaken if you think any underwear would make them stop. You’re also wrong if you think it makes you any less attractive, Regina. Wear what makes you comfortable and confident, okay? It makes no difference for the outside world and you’ll feel better on the inside.”

“Do you really think so?” she raised her eyes from the ground to meet Emma’s.

“Hell I do!” Emma exclaimed. “Literally nothing would make you less attractive. Now put on your turtleneck and let’s get you home,” Emma smiled and went back to dressing up.

Regina smiled to herself and did as she was ordered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? And what should happen next? What do you wanna see? :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very thrilled to announce that I have a beta now. She's a gem and I'm incredibly grateful for her work! My stories should be easier and less painful to read now :) So, cherish her! Thank you so much Nails243 for offering your help <3

Emma declined Regina’s invitation to go upstairs and instead went home. She needed to process everything. _Regina was gay. Regina was gay. _It was on repeat in her head like a mantra.

_Dreams do come true then_, Emma mused. But she couldn’t just jump into it, could she? Regina said it herself – she hadn’t even kissed a woman yet. Maybe she thought that she was gay, but in fact she just…. Well, she wasn’t.

They haven’t discussed much of their previous relationships but the blonde gathered that her friend was only with men so far. It was understandable things didn’t work out. Emma herself cringed just from the idea of being with one but… does this necessary mean Regina is gay? Can’t she just be fed up with men?

BUT the brunette seemed attracted to her and that’s what mattered, right? She might not be the most experienced with women but she clearly wanted to give it a try. So maybe she was fed up with men but it was to such degree that it turned her gay. Emma chuckled at that thought a bit.

Emma sank into her couch at home and sighed deeply. What was she going to do? Take a chance and risk another devastating heartbreak… or simply walk out while she still could? Decisions, decisions…

_Like you could still walk out, you idiot,_ she thought to herself.

The blonde would go so far as to call Regina the love of her life. The brunette was her first crush ever. And basically the last. And damn did she age well… “Ugh,” Emma let out a frustrated groan and covered her face with the pillow.

How was she supposed to train with the brunette now? She could keep it professional, sure. But could her pussy do the same? She could very well now imagine what Regina looked like in bed, thanks to their trainings. And that’s the last thing that should be on her mind. It’s never good to rush things and especially in this case. Emma was pretty sure that sex was not on the table for a very long time and many therapy sessions ahead. She didn’t mind. She didn’t touch Regina like that even during high school and she really wanted to. If she was in it just for the sex then she wouldn’t have to worry about the heartbreak. Your heart doesn’t break if your plaything decides not to play anymore.

The blonde couldn’t decide right now. She low key knew there was no going back. She lost Regina once and she didn’t want to lose her again. Even if it meant that at the end of the day, she might get hurt.

It was worth the risk. She would have many lovely moments with the brunette and maybe, just maybe, things would work out. So, she needed to try, right? If Regina was willing to do so as well.

* * *

Regina took a long warm bath. She put all essence oils in it and made a lot of soap. She sank into the water and closed her eyes. That unfortunately turned triggering sooner rather than later. She opened them and let the light in the bathroom soothe her. She guessed this was just another thing taken from her.

She was partly mad at herself for even trying. She still couldn’t sleep without a lamp on, the darkness brought ugly memories right in front of her face. Why did she think this would be okay was beyond her. _It’s a habit,_ she said to herself. She indulged in bath times quite often. It helped her to sort her thoughts.

It was also a no-go for Robin so the bathroom represented a safe place to some degree. He tried once to join her in the bath. Just once. He started to kiss her neck and get touchy and Regina just announced the water got cold and left, cringing.

She could imagine Emma behind her, though. The blonde would obviously have to join the bath after Regina dipped in because Emma couldn’t see her naked. She was dirty now. Damaged. But she enjoyed the idea of Emma’s arms around her, holding her protectively.

Regina enjoyed the idea of being with Emma in general. That’s why she tried to extend their time together by inviting the blonde over. She would cook and they could watch a movie. Maybe snuggle a little. Emma didn’t want that, though. _Was it because I’m damaged? Does Emma see that? _She shook her head. Mal forbad her thoughts like that. _Emma was good and she didn’t see me as damaged._

_How to make her understand that I don’t want to hurt her either?_

* * *

After another therapy session, Regina decided to just ask Emma out. She talked with Mal about it and the therapist encouraged her, leaving intimacy issues for later. She was certain Emma wouldn’t persuade Regina into anything the brunette wasn’t ready for.

Regina went to the gym and had a rather exhausting training session with the blonde. She enjoyed it, though. She felt more confident with the craft now and soon enough she would be able to protect herself. Emma was oddly quiet today but Regina was determined to ask her out. All she had to do was ask… and then hope Emma wouldn’t reject her, of course.

“So, I was thinking,” Regina begun on the way home. “I’d like to ask you out,” she said finally.

“Ask me out?” Emma questioned uncertainly.

“Well, yes. But not really out…” she started to fidget. Why was this so hard?

Emma stopped her and smiled reassuringly. “Just tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I’d like to ask you on a date. With me. But now when I’m thinking about it, I don’t feel like going out because I don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” she lowered her gaze. “So I was thinking that I would cook for you? We could have a dinner at my place. Unless you don’t want to, of course. I’d understand if you’re not interested… so let’s just forget about it and…”

“I’d love to,” she was cut off by the blonde.

“Really?” she breathed out, relieved. She never rambled like this. She was also never this afraid of rejection. _Dirty._

“Of course, Regina. It’s a date then,” Emma smiled. “I didn’t bring any fancy clothes, though. I wasn’t really counting with any special occasion.”

“I didn’t mean today! We had training and… I didn’t mean today. What about tomorrow? Are you free tomorrow?”

“I have a sparing with David in the evening but I’m free after that,” Emma replied and they continued walking.

“Would 8pm work for you then? I’ll have the dinner ready,” she suggested.

“Yea, 8pm is great,” Emma confirmed.

* * *

Emma’s day went rather fast. She wasn’t really present during her evening sparing and David gave her a hard time about it. She may have taken few punches because of her lack of attention. She didn’t care, though. Regina asked her out. Her high school sweetheart, her first and only crush asked her out. She packed a fancy red dress in her bag and had every intention of sporting it tonight. She wasn’t particularly fond of such feminine clothing but she knew Regina liked dresses on her. She also hadn’t taken this dress out in a very long time. She didn’t have a reason to put in the extra effort. This was Regina, though.

She said her goodbyes to David and went to take a long shower in the dressing room. She still had time. Emma applied light make up to go with the dress and slipped it on. She let her hair cascade down her shoulders and took a deep reassuring breath. _Regina asked you on a date. She wanted to be with you. It will be okay._

She wanted to bring Regina some flowers but nothing was open at this hour. Thankfully she brought some fine wine with her from home. She made it to Regina’s at five minutes to eight. Good timing. She rang the bell and went inside once she heard the buzzer.

Regina opened the apartment’s door in a black cocktail dress, crimson red lips, and a huge smile on her face. “Come in,” she said. She admired Emma’s dress and how it clung to her curves perfectly. Regina loved when Emma let her hair freely hang from her head.

“I brought wine,” Emma smiled, taking in Regina’s dress.

“Red. Lovely. It will go perfectly with the meal,” she observed.

They were eyeing each other’s form for a moment before Emma snapped out of it. “It smells really good in here.”

Regina blinked as it trying to remember where and who she was. “Yes, I hope you’ll like what I made,” she said shyly.

“I’m sure I will! You shouldn’t go through so much trouble. You could have ordered pizza and I’d be fine with it,” she winked.

“Pizza is not a proper dinner. I wanted to make something good since I couldn’t take you out…” she lowered her gaze.

Emma lifted Regina’s chin with her finger and smiled warmly at her. “Gina, this is so much better than some restaurant. I want you to be in your element and you’re always more confident in your home. Plus, I’m sure the chef wouldn’t be able to prepare something as delicious as you.”

“You hadn’t even tasted it yet,” she chuckled.

“So? I know you’re the best cook out there,” Emma shrugged.

Regina blushed at that and guided Emma into the dining table. “Take a seat, I’ll serve everything.”

“I can help!”

“Nonsense. You can however, light the candle. The lighter should be right next to it,” she smirked from the kitchen and set the food on the table. “I hope you’ll like it. I made a lamb with roasted potatoes and beans on the side. Rich for protein and nutrition.”

“It looks delicious and smells even better.”

And true to her word, Emma did like it. She liked it so much she moaned with the first bite. That made Regina blush heavily.

* * *

When they were done with their portions, they were sipping wine and looking at each other admiringly. Emma couldn’t believe she got this lucky. How could a woman like Regina show any interest in her was beyond her.

Regina was thinking she’s the lucky one because Emma chose to be here with her. Emma wasn’t looking at her like she was damaged. Emma was looking at her lovingly. She was sporting the exact same look as she was during their high school years. Nothing had changed for the blonde. Regina was still just Regina and not someone _used_.

The brunette however wasn’t over the incident yet. No matter how much she tried. She wanted to be sexy and beautiful for Emma but the amount of skin on display was making her uncomfortable. She knew she had nothing to be afraid of with Emma but this was somewhere deep inside her now. Her arms weren’t completely healed either and even though she tried not to pay attention to it, it did scream at her. She started to fidget in her seat and of course Emma noticed.

“Are you alright? Is this too soon?” the blonde asked.

_Oh Emma, always the considerate one. _“It’s fine,” she smiled reassuringly. Emma however was having none of it.

“Gina, you know I can read you like an open book, right? Talk to me. Why are you uncomfortable?” she asked and placed her hand on Regina’s on the table, stroking her wrist with her thumb.

Regina sighed deeply. She could trust Emma. The blonde wouldn’t judge her and Mal advised her to talk about everything if she wanted this relationship to work.

“I feel exposed,” she started. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me but I haven’t worn this dress since before the incident and I’m not very comfortable in it. I really wanted to wear something nice for you. I’m sorry,” she lowered her gaze. How come she always screwed up when it came to Emma?

“You do realize you would look nice even in a potato sack, right?” Emma chuckled. “Go change into your hoodie. I couldn’t care less. You’re beautiful in whatever you decide to wear. I’d have the same reaction I had to the dress if you were in yoga pants and a sweater Regina, and do you know why? Because it’s _you. You_ are beautiful, not the clothes you wear.”

Regina had to try really hard not to let the tears slide from her eyes. _How could Emma be even real…_

She nodded and smiled after a moment and went to change into something more comfortable. Something with way more material and therefore less skin. She loved the dress but she clearly couldn’t wear it yet. And she only tried at home… with Emma. She was sure there would be a full panic attack if she took it out of the safe space that her home provided.

She sat back at the table in sweatpants and a hoodie. Emma smiled at her again approvingly. _I don’t even deserve you,_ Regina thought.

“See? Nothing’s changed. Still gorgeous,” the champ smiled and Regina blushed. She was doing that a lot this evening.

“Emma, I wanted to talk you…” she took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry if I’m giving you mixed signals but it’s probably because I myself am trying to figure it all out… I do know I want to give this a try though, because I know one thing for sure and that is that you’re beautiful inside and out. You’re amazing, Em. You always have been.”

“I’m nothing special, Regina,” the blonde shrugged. She wasn’t really used to getting compliments. Not from the heart.

“You are so special, Emma. Remember that. Always.”

They sat in silence for a moment until Emma stood up. “I should probably get going. It’s only the first date. I shouldn’t be in your home,” she winked. “Do you want help cleaning it up?”

“I definitely don’t need help with that. And it’s true you surely wouldn’t make it to my apartment if this was our real first date but since you’re already here… how about a movie?” Regina suggested.

“I’d love that,” Emma replied with a smile on her face. “And Regina?” she called after the brunette when said woman disappeared in the bedroom.

“Yes?” came reply.

“I’d really love to give this a try…” she said sincerely. So what that Regina hadn’t figured everything out yet. She would wait until she had.

“Are you talking about the movie or about being my girl?” Regina teased as she brought Emma a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie.

“Both?” Emma chuckled. “What are these for? Don’t you like the dress?” she sulked a little when seeing the clothes.

“A dress is not very comfortable for a movie night, dear. You look like a piece of cake but to use your previous words: ‘_you_ are beautiful, not the clothes you wear’. And I want you to be comfortable so go change while I make popcorn and set up the movie,” she smirked. Emma nodded eagerly and took the offered clothing articles.

Regina’s scent engulfed her completely once she put the clothes on and she enjoyed every second of it. Regina’s scent was Emma’s opium. She would probably get high on it if she wasn’t careful.

Emma joined the brunette on the couch, giving her enough space. The blonde wasn’t sure where exactly the other woman was when it came to touches and snuggles. Sure, they touched during trainings but that was different. That wasn’t intimate nor romantic.

Regina put glasses on and started the movie. She hasn’t shifted towards the blonde just yet.

“Wait, since when do you wear glasses?” Emma chuckled.

“Well Emma, we are not in high school anymore,” she rolled her eyes.

“There, there,” the blonde laughed. “No need to get all defensive. I think it’s sexy,” she winked and turned back to the TV. Regina in glasses, with thick black frames, was another level of hot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didnt abandon this story. I'm just writing for SQSN so time's limited now. Hope you enjoyed it. Take care!


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